[00:00:49] Kameran Al-Areqi: . Okay. I have this thing that I teach my clients because, , we live in America, and America's favorite pastime is baseball, right? Yeah. Everybody gets it.
[00:00:56] Okay. When your partner comes to you and they are [00:01:00] talking to you- They are pitching you the ball.
[00:01:04] Now, you have three options. First option is they're talking to you and you just completely dismiss them. , You ignore them, you don't hear them, whatever the case may be. May be completely unintentional, might be completely intentional.
[00:01:17] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:01:17] Kameran Al-Areqi: I don't know. Okay? You strike out, you go back to the dugout.
[00:01:21] Option number two, you acknowledge that they're speaking to you, but it's not like an enthusiastic acknowledgement. It's like okay. Whatever. Okay, and?" Like that kind of response, right? Yeah. Eh, guess what? Wrong. That's still... You're still turning away from them, so you go back to the dugout. The more you strike out, the longer you have to wait before your partner is going to pitch you the ball again.
[00:01:48] We'll get to that in emotional safety here in just a second.
[00:01:50] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:01:50] Kameran Al-Areqi: Okay, third option is you turn towards them.
[00:01:53] Speaker: Okay.
[00:01:54] Kameran Al-Areqi: You say, "Oh, you saw a bird today? Interesting. What kind of a bird was it? [00:02:00] Oh, you're having a bad day today? Oh, let me- tell me about it. What, what's going on?" And you lean in. You put your phone down.
[00:02:07] You close the laptop. You shut the TV off, or at least pause it, whatever, but you're turning towards. Dr. John Gottman talked, who's like, if you're unfamiliar with that listeners- I realize you're not, but everybody else that, who's listening, if you're not sure- Yes ... Dr. John Gottman is, like, the guru of all relationships.
[00:02:25] Him and his wife Julie have studied relationships for, like, 40, 50 years- Wow ... and they have almost as many books out. They're- Yeah ... they're incredible. They're world-renowned. Okay, so he, in their research they have found that the happiest couples turn towards each other at least 80% of the time. Totally makes sense.
[00:02:43] Yeah. The more that you're dismissed, and minimized, and shut down by your partner, the less happy you're gonna be, right? Let's say, let's just give you the benefit of the doubt, and say that you turned toward your partner. Great. Then you get to run to first base, okay? Now, here's a very special [00:03:00] caveat to this.
[00:03:01] The bases have to be run in order. Because as human beings, a lot of times, and this is why we have all of the one-night stands that we do, we're trying to run from home plate batting to second base connection. And we're trying to bypass third base, spoiler alert, it's emotional intimacy.
[00:03:17] Mm. And we're not giving the emotional safety because it's not it's not anything more than surface level, yeah. Yeah. So emotional safety, when you run to first base, emotional safety is when your partner comes to you and says, "Hey, I'm really struggling. I'm... I would prefer this. The kids are doing that."
[00:03:38] This, anything in the world, can they come talk to you about literally anything? From your mother, to the president, to, the biggest fear in the world that seems absolutely ludicrous and irrational. Can they talk to you about it? Mm. And you're going to hold space, [00:04:00] you're going to be kind-
[00:04:01] And you're not going to invalidate.
[00:04:04] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:04:04] Kameran Al-Areqi: That's it. Can they do that? Mm. That's first base In my practice, what I have found is that couples who come to me and say, "We have a communication problem," don't actually have a communication problem. They have an emotional safety problem.
[00:04:24] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:04:25] Kameran Al-Areqi: They are not emotionally safe.
[00:04:27] Either, A, your partner is telling you about their feelings and you're, you're getting defensive because you're making it mean something about you-
[00:04:34] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:04:34] Kameran Al-Areqi: or you're make, you're hearing something that they're not actually saying. That's a really big one.
[00:04:40] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:04:40] Kameran Al-Areqi: Something like that. But there's emo- an emotional safety problem there.
[00:04:44] Yeah. Okay. Second base is connection. So once you've mastered emotional safety, then you can run to connection. Men and women connect on a fundamentally different level. Women like open-ended conversations. This is why we like brunch. Yeah. This is why we, we like having that [00:05:00] girlfriend time, right?
[00:05:01] But we also want that with our partner.
[00:05:03] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:05:03] Kameran Al-Areqi: Men don't connect like that. They connect through shared activities. This is why you have, like, the 86-year-old guy that's like you wanna go outside and watch me while I walk, work on the mower?" They don't care. No, not really, but then you'll see the 86-year-old lady out there with her knitting or her book or whatever.
[00:05:21] In my first marriage, my husband, it was like I was kind of married to a mix between, like, Swamp People and Duck Dynasty.
[00:05:28] Speaker: Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. And
[00:05:29] Kameran Al-Areqi: he... Yeah. He, especially when you see me, you're like, "Wait, you and that? Wait, what? What?" What happened there? But anyways, yeah. It was... That, that was a, , that was a, a very low self-esteem problem that I had.
[00:05:43] That w- that, that was what that was. Anyways, he was really, really into fishing. I'm terrified of even the possibility of snakes, but I would go out there, and I would sit in my lawn chair with my knees up un- or my feet up under me so that, there was no, even if a snake slithered by, it didn't get me.
[00:05:59] And I [00:06:00] would take my book, and I would sit there. You know what I mean? That, that's how men connect, is through those shared activities. You don't even have to talk. In fact, they would prefer that you don't. But just being there together is enough for them, okay? Yeah. So understanding that part, because a lot, again, in my practice, a lot of men will come and be like, "She always says she's not connected, but we spent the whole day together."
[00:06:23] Cool. Did you ask one, one question that was open-ended? Or was it all demands and logistics and teamwork?
[00:06:31] Speaker: Exactly.
[00:06:31] Kameran Al-Areqi: Oh, now the light comes on, right? Okay, then once we've mastered that, we get to run to third base. Third base is emotional intimacy. Trust. Can I trust that you're gonna have my back all the time?
[00:06:45] Are you vulnerable? Do you have humility? Okay? Humility, not the same as humiliation. Can you say, "Yep, I know, I messed that up too. Yep, I know, I, uh, that, that's on me." Mm-hmm. Can you take accountability? Can you, [00:07:00] without getting defensive? Yeah. Are you always gonna be there together?
[00:07:04] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:07:05] Kameran Al-Areqi: Everybody wants to be loved-
[00:07:07] Speaker: Yeah
[00:07:07] Kameran Al-Areqi: but nobody wants to be vulnerable enough to be known.
[00:07:10] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:07:11] Kameran Al-Areqi: And that's where we get it wrong. Mm. You cannot be fully loved unless you're fully known. You cannot be fully known unless you're fully vulnerable and humble. And the problem here is the dishonesty comes in, so we lie. Yeah. And when we lie, even about small things, "Oh, I didn't buy that off of Amazon.
[00:07:31] I don't know what you're talking about. That, that was- Or- ... a free promotional deal."
[00:07:34] Speaker: Yes, even omission, just the fact that you didn't- Even omission, yep ... say it.
[00:07:38] Kameran Al-Areqi: Even, ooh, brace yourself When we say we're fine and we're really not. Yes. Or we
[00:07:45] Speaker: say
[00:07:45] Kameran Al-Areqi: yes when we want to say no.
[00:07:50] Speaker: Yes.
[00:07:51] Kameran Al-Areqi: We're not allowing our partner, this one's gonna sting a little bit, we're not allowing our partner, we're not giving them [00:08:00] the opportunity to fully know us.
[00:08:03] Speaker: Yes.
[00:08:03] Kameran Al-Areqi: And when we close ourself off in that way-
[00:08:06] Speaker: Yes ...
[00:08:06] Kameran Al-Areqi: we cannot be fully loved. So we're expecting to be fully loved, but we're not doing our part to be fully known.
[00:08:14] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:08:14] Kameran Al-Areqi: And so we're mad. It's a self-fulfilling- Yeah ... prophecy. We're pissed that they're not loving us well enough, but we're not giving them the opportunity to do so.
[00:08:25] Speaker: Oh, yes. So- It's like they're marrying... Like, they want us to be psychic. Yeah, you want them to- Yep ... love the vulnerable you, but you're only showing them the superficial you.
[00:08:34] Kameran Al-Areqi: Yep, exactly. Yeah. Once you've mastered that, then and only then you get to run home, and home plate is the mind-blowing, fireworks bedroom session that you're looking for.
[00:08:53] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:08:54] Kameran Al-Areqi: It is. Otherwise, it's just sex.
[00:08:57] Speaker: Yep.
[00:08:57] Kameran Al-Areqi: 16-year-olds can have sex. [00:09:00] Yeah. Okay? They can. Yeah. Does it mean anything? No. Right? One-night stands, do they mean anything? No. Mm-mm. Are you gonna feel just as crappy the next day because you've been looking for the emotional intimacy, you're looking for the connection?
[00:09:14] Yeah. You don't have it in someone that you just met.
[00:09:18] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:09:19] Kameran Al-Areqi: So you have to build that, and that's what a marriage is all about. Once you have... And, uh, and women especially have to have that emotional intimacy before we can open up and receive our husbands, and this is what men are missing.
[00:09:34] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:09:34] Kameran Al-Areqi: But for women, we're missing the opportunity to build that emotional intimacy by keeping our hearts closed-
[00:09:42] Speaker: Yeah
[00:09:43] Kameran Al-Areqi: The passive aggressiveness- Yeah ... the saying things we don't really mean- Yeah ... our reality and our words not actually matching up.
[00:09:49] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:09:49] Kameran Al-Areqi: Feeling like we have to take on their role, and not allowing them to become the leader that we saw in them when we married them. Yes,
[00:09:56] Speaker: yes.
[00:09:57] Kameran Al-Areqi: All of that.
[00:09:58] Speaker: Yes. So that's
[00:09:59] Kameran Al-Areqi: [00:10:00] my, that's my baseball system.
[00:10:01] Speaker: Which is amazing. Oh, my gosh. It's something I like to, talk to my patients about. But I love the analogy you use let's bring in, in relationships, the children. You say our- Yeah ... children are learning how to do relationships by watching us.
[00:10:15] Yep. What are they learning, even when we think they're not paying attention?
[00:10:20] Kameran Al-Areqi: I will promise you as a teacher, more is caught than taught
[00:10:24] ...
[00:10:24] more is caught than taught. They are watching everything
[00:10:28] Speaker: Yeah
[00:10:29] Kameran Al-Areqi: They are watching conflict, like from a very early age. Like, we have a five-year-old, okay?
[00:10:33] Speaker: Yeah,
[00:10:34] Kameran Al-Areqi: yeah He is learning conflict resolution.
[00:10:36] This was actually really funny. So we have a 16 and a five-year-old, and our five-year-old went in and told his brother the other night, "I know you're really frustrated with Mom," because he got grounded, the 16-year-old got grounded from his mom
[00:10:47] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:10:47] Kameran Al-Areqi: He goes, "I know you're really frustrated with Mom, but you're only frustrated because you wanna be."
[00:10:54] and turned around and walked out. And my 16-year-old was like, "I'm gonna murder that child." And I was like, "Well, that's [00:11:00] frowned upon,
[00:11:00] also you're only mad because he's right.
[00:11:04] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:11:04] Kameran Al-Areqi: So, so you're... Like it's that kind of thing. That's...
[00:11:06] Those are the things that they're learning. But from a man we'll take the man first. Yeah. If you're raising boys, boys are looking at their fathers and saying, "How do I act as a father? How do I show up as a man? What does it mean to protect and provide?"
[00:11:24] Speaker: Mm-hmm. "
[00:11:24] Kameran Al-Areqi: What does... What... How do I treat women?"
[00:11:27] "
[00:11:27] How do I treat my daughters?" Yeah. How do I handle stress? How do I handle finances? How do I become a better driver?"
[00:11:35] Speaker: How
[00:11:35] Kameran Al-Areqi: do I
[00:11:35] Speaker: handle-
[00:11:35] Kameran Al-Areqi: How
[00:11:36] Speaker: do I, like all- ... emotions?
[00:11:38] Kameran Al-Areqi: Emotions. Yeah. Are emotions okay or are they not?
[00:11:41] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:11:42] Kameran Al-Areqi: They, he, they're learning all that, okay? From their mothers, these little boys are learning what a woman's love should feel like.
[00:11:51] They're learning what's acceptable. What does a, what does my mother accept from my father? Mm-hmm. They're learning what a wife [00:12:00] should look like, what a wife... like, how a woman should handle herself in stressful situations, in, out in public, in the home. How to be a mother. What they should look like as a mother, all right?
[00:12:13] From little girls' perspectives, they're looking at their daddies and they're seeing, "What kind of a man should I marry?" Yeah. "What... Like, how should a man handle emotions? How should a woman be a woman? How should a woman be a mother? How should... As a couple, how do you handle conflict resolution?"
[00:12:34] "What does love look like? What does it feel like? What does it sound like?" , "What does a home... How should a home feel like?"
[00:12:42] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:12:42] Kameran Al-Areqi: All of that. They're looking at their mothers and seeing how do I become a woman? How do I become a mother? How do I handle all of these things that we've just talked about?"
[00:12:55] So they're learning all of that from you. And here's the [00:13:00] kicker. We don't wanna believe this, but your children will become a product of their environment or because of their environment. So they're either gonna do things exactly like you did-
[00:13:09] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:13:10] Kameran Al-Areqi: or they're gonna do the polar opposite- simply because they look at you and say, "I don't want a marriage like my parents had." Yeah. "I want the ex- that, that was terrible." They've been married 44 years and they should have been divorced 38 times in that 44 years
[00:13:24] Speaker: Mm-hmm.
[00:13:25] Kameran Al-Areqi: Like-
[00:13:25] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:13:25] Kameran Al-Areqi: but here's the thing, even if they become a product because of their environment, there's still things that they are going to do, that they're gonna emulate, that they're going to mimic the identity of the person that they saw.
[00:13:39] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:13:40] Kameran Al-Areqi: Little girls are gonna marry their dad. Little boys are gonna marry a replica of their mother.
[00:13:46] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:13:46] Kameran Al-Areqi: And then when they get into the marriage, it's like, "Oh my God, I hate this person." Why? Because you married what was comfortable-
[00:13:54] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:13:54] Kameran Al-Areqi: not what was healthy.
[00:13:56] Speaker: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:13:57] Kameran Al-Areqi: And if that was a punch to the gut for [00:14:00] you, got some work to do, friend.
[00:14:02] Speaker: Oh, yeah. One of the things I try to always be the role model, and it's not perfect, but I remember once, 'cause I do a lot. And so at times when I know I'm at my level of, I, I'm done, I remember one time my daughter...
[00:14:19] 'Cause they all come to me first, and they come to me. And they're like, "Mom, da, da, da, da." And I'm like, "Mom's off office hours." Yep, yep. And then they go, "Papi, Mom said she's off office hours-" Yep "... so I need you to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Yep. Oh my God, I started cracking up. And I just like, I was done. You know?
[00:14:37] 'Cause I have my time limit. And so when I said, "Mom's off office hours," I just thought I was joking. I just thought they were just gonna be like, "Oh," and still. But no, they respected that. Yeah. And they went off, "Now, you know what? Well, now Dad's gonna handle it. " And I didn't go, "Okay, let's see." Nope, I'm like, "I'm done."
[00:14:54] I'm gonna do- I'm out, yeah ... my me time. Yeah. And so now I use it 'cause it worked wonderful. And I'm like, "Girl- [00:15:00] Yep "... if you're a mom, just say Mom's off office hours. What do we do?" Mm-hmm. You do have a dad. You-
[00:15:05] Kameran Al-Areqi: Yeah ...
[00:15:05] Speaker: you know? And-
[00:15:06] Kameran Al-Areqi: You... I s- I tell that, my boys that all the time. They... My five-year-old brought a package of snacks to me.
[00:15:12] Uh, this is probably, gosh, been two years ago. And he was like, "Here, can you open this?" And I was like, "Are you ser-" Like, I'm like cooking dinner at the same time, like doing like 19 different things, and his dad is sitting on the couch watching a show.
[00:15:26] Speaker: Yes.
[00:15:27] Kameran Al-Areqi: And I'm like, "You walked right past your father to bring me the snacks.
[00:15:33] Are you kidding me right now?" So I walk over and I was like, "Hi." And I picked up his dad's hands, and I was like, "Do you see? Your dad has hands, too. You can take things to him to help you open them." And his dad just looked at him like, "Bro, that was bad decision. Bad decision."
[00:15:49] Speaker: Look at your environment.
[00:15:51] Yeah.
[00:15:51] Kameran Al-Areqi: Read the room. Read the room, buddy.
[00:15:53] Speaker: That's what you say. Read the room. Read the room.
[00:15:56] Kameran Al-Areqi: That's something else. Yeah. That's something else that they're learning, though. Yes. They're learning common sense. They're learning to [00:16:00] read the room. They're learning, like- Yes ... all of these things.
[00:16:03] Speaker: Yes. I had to teach my daughter, the little one, to say, "Mom, are you busy?"
[00:16:08] And- Yes ... because that, , and my husband too, 'cause he does do his shared responsibility, again, not help, shared responsibility- Yes, not
[00:16:16] Kameran Al-Areqi: help. Yes ...
[00:16:16] Speaker: yeah, in, in cooking. And sometimes I'll ask him, and he's like "No soy pulpo." I'm not an octopus. That's his saying. Mm. And when I hear that I'm like, "Guys, I'm right here.
[00:16:29] You know, read the room guys." Yeah. Yeah. And so all these little statements are so helpful to use kind of like humor, but not keeping it real- Yeah ... where they are learning through us parents like, oh, let me read the room. Let me ask if they're busy. , if someone's busy, let me just say, "Is there a time when you're not busy?"
[00:16:48] Yeah. How does a woman know the difference between doing the hard work required to repair a marriage and continuing to abandon herself just to keep the marriage [00:17:00] together and, and- Yeah ... adding in this caveat, 'cause sometimes they'll say, "Oh, we do it for the children."
[00:17:06] Kameran Al-Areqi: Yeah. Yeah. That's a hard one.
[00:17:10] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:17:10] Kameran Al-Areqi: And here's what I will tell you. As as crappy as this is to hear, because I've been there. You want this great enlightening answer that gives you the out, and the unfortunate truth is if both of you are willing to look at the marriage and say, "This is not working"-
[00:17:34] Speaker: Yeah
[00:17:34] Kameran Al-Areqi: and I am willing to do what it takes to make that, to make it work-
[00:17:40] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:17:41] Kameran Al-Areqi: it's not time to leave. It's not time to leave. The only time that it's time to leave... Let me change that. Okay. It's not time to divorce. Okay. It's not time to divorce, okay? Okay.
[00:17:51] Speaker: Okay.
[00:17:51] Kameran Al-Areqi: Now, a couple may need to separate because as we were talking about, like sometimes God will separate you to grow on your own and [00:18:00] learn.
[00:18:00] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:18:00] Kameran Al-Areqi: But that doesn't mean. This is what absolutely infuriates me. We live in a society that believes that you are married-
[00:18:10] ...
[00:18:10] or you are divorced.
[00:18:12] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:18:13] Kameran Al-Areqi: That's it. That's not it, though. There is a third option, and that third option that I would really love to normalize is, no, you create something completely different-
[00:18:28] Speaker: Yeah
[00:18:28] Kameran Al-Areqi: with the same partner.
[00:18:31] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:18:31] Kameran Al-Areqi: I personally, I'm a believer in Jesus Christ. I believe that God brings all marriages together for a reason. Yeah. Okay? I believe that if it's not working, that is a sign that either probably both of you- Yeah ... need to change some things about yourself. You need to grow.
[00:18:56] Yeah. Because again, that's the whole purpose of marriage is to grow. [00:19:00] So when you're looking at that and you're like, "I'm just burning out, I'm giving too much of myself," step back. Yeah. What do you need to change? It is physically impossible for a relationship to stay the same if one person in it changes drastically.
[00:19:16] Yeah. Physically impossible. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you need to change? If you're burning out, why? Well, because he won't do it. Okay. Is it because you don't let him? Is it because you have unspoken expectations? Which by the way is the number one reason for resentment. Expectations are premeditated resentments, period, the end.
[00:19:36] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:19:37] Kameran Al-Areqi: What is the reason for that? And you may need a third party like yourself or me to come in and say, who's not emotionally attached to the situation-
[00:19:48] ...
[00:19:48] to say, "Okay, here's what I see."
[00:19:50] Speaker: Yeah. "
[00:19:51] Kameran Al-Areqi: Here's what you could work on. Here's what needs to be changed." Some of it you may know, some of it you may not be.
[00:19:56] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:19:56] Kameran Al-Areqi: You may be completely ignorant to, by choice or just [00:20:00] because you don't know what you don't know.
[00:20:01] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:20:02] Kameran Al-Areqi: So looking at that and saying, is this a case where we need to divorce? In my first marriage, husband did not... I asked him every Thursday for four years, "Go to counseling with me.
[00:20:13] Go to therapy with me. Get help with me." Yeah. "Let's change this." "Nope, not interested." He didn't want to grow.
[00:20:21] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:20:22] Kameran Al-Areqi: Fun fact, he is remarried, has been for 10 years, and his wife calls me frequently and says, "Is my life always gonna be this way?" well, sugar, would I be divorced if it wasn't?
[00:20:33] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:20:33] Kameran Al-Areqi: Hello. Yeah. So there's that. My second marriage, that's what was different. We both have a growth mindset. We both want to grow ourselves.
[00:20:43] Speaker: Yes.
[00:20:44] Kameran Al-Areqi: That's what makes the difference.
[00:20:46] Speaker: Yeah. Not just saying it, but doing it also.
[00:20:49] Kameran Al-Areqi: Doing it. That-
[00:20:50] Speaker: Yes ...
[00:20:50] Kameran Al-Areqi: you can talk you can talk all you want.
[00:20:53] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:20:53] Kameran Al-Areqi: Talk is cheap.
[00:20:54] Speaker: Yep. Wow. And what would you say to the women people pleasers [00:21:00] listening right now who love their partner, want so bad the relationship to work, but somehow along the way, they've completely lost their voice, their identity, and their power just to make them happy?
[00:21:13] Kameran Al-Areqi: Start looking at where you lost it.
[00:21:15] Speaker: Okay.
[00:21:16] Kameran Al-Areqi: Marriages typically have a half-life. So if you've been married 20 years and you're struggling, you've probably been struggling for about 10. Usually what you're gonna find is, oh, it shifted and I started losing myself right about the time I started having kids.
[00:21:34] The kids, you give yourself to your kids, and that becomes your identity. If you met me on the street tomorrow and I said, "Who are you?" And you say, "I'm a wife, I'm a mother," that's what you're putting your identity into. And taking this a step further, that's what you're idolizing It becomes idolatry.
[00:21:57] You idolize being a wife and a [00:22:00] mother. Who were you before that?
[00:22:03] Are you kind? Are you compassionate? Do you like sports? Do you like running? Do you like... What have you given up in the name of, "Oh, I'm sacrificing for my kids"? I will guarantee you that your husband hasn't lost himself.
[00:22:20] Speaker: Mm-hmm.
[00:22:21] Kameran Al-Areqi: He's still running.
[00:22:23] He's still playing golf on Saturdays.
[00:22:25] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:22:25] Kameran Al-Areqi: He's still fill in the blank.
[00:22:27] Speaker: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:22:28] Kameran Al-Areqi: You chose that, and that-
[00:22:31] Speaker: Yeah ...
[00:22:31] Kameran Al-Areqi: man, that is a really hard pill to swallow when you realize, nobody took that from me. I chose to do that.
[00:22:40] Speaker: Wow.
[00:22:40] Kameran Al-Areqi: Because I thought it was best for my kids. I thought it was best for my marriage.
[00:22:45] Okay, but why? Is that what you saw growing up? Is that what you, like the ideology that you have- Yeah ... That's what makes a good wife?
[00:22:54] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:22:54] Kameran Al-Areqi: Okay. Well then, what makes a good husband?
[00:22:57] Speaker: Yes. Yes.
[00:22:58] Kameran Al-Areqi: Because being the best version [00:23:00] of yourself is going to make you a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better daughter, a better fr- all the things.
[00:23:07] It- that's what makes you better.
[00:23:09] Speaker: Yes, a better lover, better- Yes ... everything. Yes. Yes. I love that, because that's such an important distinction. Working on a relationship doesn't have to mean disappearing inside of it.
[00:23:22] Kameran Al-Areqi: No.
[00:23:23] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:23:23] Kameran Al-Areqi: No. Yeah,
[00:23:25] Speaker: man. And Kam, before we go- Yeah ... where can everyone find you, listen, do you have a podcast, and, and- Yeah
[00:23:31] learn more about your work?
[00:23:33] Kameran Al-Areqi: Yeah. I have a podcast, comes out every Monday. It's called Married and Connected. I am on Substack, Instagram, Facebook. I have a TikTok account. I don't really use it. All of that is at married.and.connected. So you can find me there. Let's see. I have a book on Amazon
[00:23:51] It is Connected to Me: The Blueprint, because it's just a very, very thin 280 question book. You can use it as a journal. You can use it as just [00:24:00] like a thought prompt. Yes ... a building self-awareness in eight different pillars of your life.
[00:24:05] So I have that. Yes. So yeah. Oh, wow. You can find me at my website, www.recognizingpotential.com.
[00:24:12] Speaker: I'll put everything in the show notes, so that way you all- Yeah ... can just easily click, click to get to where she's at. Yeah ... shifting gears a little bit before we close, I end my conversations with two questions that really bring us back to- Okay
[00:24:24] em- what Empowering Women in Conversation is all about. Yeah. I wanna bring this back to you as a woman. When you hear the words empowered woman- What does that mean to you? What is the definition of an empowered woman?
[00:24:41] Kameran Al-Areqi: I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier with self-integrity, self-trust, self-confidence, self-care and whatever that means to you.
[00:24:52] Just really... Self-respect.
[00:24:54] Speaker: Yeah.
[00:24:55] Kameran Al-Areqi: Really em- embodying those. It's more than just [00:25:00] getting your nails done, getting a pedicure, like, taking a bubble bath, that kind of thing. It's how you move in the world.
[00:25:08] Speaker: Yes. I love that. And my last question is a little different. I want you to imagine something with me.
[00:25:15] Okay. Imagine generations into the future, everything documented, who you were, your book, your podcast, your accomplishments, have somehow been lost through circumstances completely outside of your family's control. Okay. And three generations along your family line, one day your great-granddaughter, niece, or another woman in your family lineage discovers one handwritten letter from you.
[00:25:37] Mm-hmm. And it's the only thing that you have to tell something about the woman who you were and just anything that would follow the woman lineage. What truth, would you bestow in this letter for her?
[00:25:50] Kameran Al-Areqi: Such a good question I would say
[00:25:54] Stay true to yourself I would say this. I would say there are pillars to life [00:26:00] and they all start with I. I actually, this is not mine. I actually got this from a couple that I interviewed on my podcast a while back, and I loved it so much. In order to live a fulfilling life, you have to have a strong sense of identity.
[00:26:17] You have to have intentionality. You have to have integrity. You have to have insight. Yeah. And you have to have intimacy in all of your relationships. Not necessarily physical intimacy, but it goes back to that being fully known so that you can be fully loved, and being fully vulnerable and humble so that you can be fully known.
[00:26:45] Speaker: Oh, that was beautiful. I love that. Thank you so much for joining me on Empowering Women in Conversations. And to every woman listening, I hope something in today's conversation reminded that you can deeply love, work on your [00:27:00] relationship, and still have a voice and identity and relationship with yourself.
[00:27:03] Until next time, continue empowering yourself and continue empowering the women around you. Thank you.
[00:27:09] Kameran Al-Areqi: Thank
[00:27:09] Speaker: you.
[00:27:10]
