When People-Pleasing Hurts Your Child (Part 1)

In this powerful Part 1 conversation, Empowering Women in Conversations host Anita Sandoval, LPC, is joined by Gladys A. Cortez, MS, LPC-S, RPT, CRC, TF-CBT, EMDR-Trained, to explore the hidden cost of people-pleasing in parenting — especially when advocating for neurodivergent children within school systems.

Many parents stay quiet in IEP, ARD, and 504 meetings because they don’t want to be labeled “difficult,” “emotional,” or “that parent.” But what happens when silence costs a child the support they are legally entitled to?

In this episode, Anita and Gladys unpack how people-pleasing shows up in advocacy, why guilt and fear keep parents silent, and how education — not confrontation — is the foundation of effective advocacy. This conversation centers on shifting from emotional reactivity to informed, values-based advocacy that protects children and empowers families.

This episode is especially for:

• Parents navigating IEP, ARD, or 504 meetings
• People-pleasers who struggle to speak up in systems of authority
• Families raising neurodivergent children
• Parents wanting to model healthy self-advocacy for their children

✨ In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why people-pleasing can unintentionally harm children
• The difference between emotional reactivity and effective advocacy
• How guilt, fear, and social conditioning silence parents
• Why advocacy is rooted in education, not confrontation
• How knowing your rights changes the power dynamic in school systems
• Why advocacy is about long-term impact — not short-term comfort

🔹 Key Takeaways:

• Advocacy is not being difficult — it’s being responsible
• Silence protects systems, not children
• Parents are the experts on their children
• Education builds bridges; avoidance builds barriers

👩‍⚕️ Meet Our Guest: Gladys A. Cortez, MS, LPC-S, RPT, CRC, TF-CBT, EMDR-Trained

Gladys Cortez is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Council-Approved Supervisor in Texas, and is also licensed in Missouri. She is a Registered Play Therapist, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy provider, Certified Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist, and EMDR-trained therapist.

Gladys currently serves as Chair of the South Texas Chapter of the Texas Association for Play Therapy and is an active member of:

• UMOS Mental Health Advisory Board
• DECODE IT Community Advisory Board
• Community Inclusion Task Force
• American Counseling Association

With nearly 13 years of service on the Texas Council for Developmental Disabilities, including 10 years as Chair of the Project Development Committee, Gladys brings extensive experience in advocacy, training, and family support. She has led workshops on the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), parenting skills, and has supported families through ARD and school advocacy processes.

Beyond her professional work, Gladys is a devoted wife of nearly 20 years and a mother of two teenagers. She is deeply passionate about empowering individuals and families with diverse needs.

🏢 Practice Information

Cortez & Associates Counseling Services LLC
📞 Phone: 956-507-0035
📧 Email: gladyscortezcrc@gmail.com

▶️ Up Next — Part 2

In Part 2, the conversation continues into:

• Advocacy for teens and young adults
• College accommodations and workplace protections
• Why silence later can cost even more

You’re not alone in this. If you’re a parent navigating advocacy and people-pleas

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome & Why This Conversation Matters
• 1:57 Meet Gladys Cortez: Advocacy, Lived Experience & Leadership
• 3:19 From Medicine to Counseling: Following the Call
• 5:16 Advocacy Begins at Home: A Family Story
• 7:38 Why Advocacy Is Essential for Neurodivergent Children
• 9:28 Nothing Will Change If We Don’t Advocate
• 10:19 Am I Being Difficult… or Am I Advocating?
• 11:04 Emotional Reactivity vs. Values-Based Advocacy
• 13:36 Thinking Long-Term: Advocacy Beyond One Child
• 15:50 Modeling Advocacy for Children
• 16:47 Parents Are the Experts on Their Children
• 18:31 Hard Truths: Facing Diagnoses with Honesty
• 19:33 If It’s Not in Writing, It Didn’t Happen
• 24:31 Why Advocacy Feels So Hard
• 27:00 You Have the Right to Pause, Table, or Stop Meetings
• 28:21 Advocacy Is About Children Growing

Transcript

[00:00:00] Cedric: How do you advocate for your child when people-pleasing tells you to stay quiet?

[00:00:04] Anita Sandoval LPC: I'm like, wait a second. Am I an advocate? Is this what this is? And I had all these years of shame and guilt thinking as a female, I should be people pleasing. 

[00:00:14] Nancy: When People-Pleasing Hurts Your Child

[00:00:16] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: there are required individuals that have to be there, but the one, the individuals that are, that are representing each position that must be at those meetings are cordially invited. If we don't want them there or don't need them there for whatever the reason, then they can be excused.

[00:00:33] You can excuse them, you know, as a parent, 

[00:00:36] 

[00:01:25] Anita Sandoval LPC: Welcome back to Empowering Women in Conversations. I am your host, Anita Sandoval, and today's episode is one I know will speak directly to the heart of so many parents and young adults who are navigating advocacy and empowerment.

[00:01:39] I'm honored to be joined today by Gladys Cortes, a licensed professional counselor and counsel, approved supervisor in Texas, also licensed in Missouri. For those out there, Gladys is a registered to play therapist, certified rehabilitation counselor, trauma-focused, [00:02:00] trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy provider.

[00:02:04] Certified Autism Spectrum disorder, clinical specialist, and EMDR trained specialist Oh that's a lot. She's got a lot, a lot of expertise, everyone. And she currently serves as chair of South Texas, chapter of Texas Association for Play Therapy and is an active member of the 

[00:02:27] UMOS Mental Health Advisory Board, DECODE IT Community Advisory Board, community Inclusion Task Force, and the American Counseling Association with nearly 13 years of service on the Texas Council for Developmental Disabilities, including 10 years as chair of the project development committee.

[00:02:53] Gladys brings an incredible depth of experience and advocacy, training, and family support. And then on [00:03:00] top of all of this, she is a devoted wife of nearly 20 years. I know she looks so young. You are young and a mother of two teenagers, and she's deeply passionate about empowering and advocating for individuals with diverse needs.

[00:03:17] I'm extremely and deeply honored to have Gladys here. Gladys, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here today. 

[00:03:27] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: Thank you. I'm truly honored to be here with you today. seeing what we, can relate to, to your audience. 

[00:03:35] Anita Sandoval LPC: Oh, are you kidding me? Oh my goodness. one of the things here with my audience are people pleasers who have failed relationships.

[00:03:42] And a lot of people don't understand that relationships isn't just with a partner. We have our children, we also have people we associate with, and that includes school. So when we have children who are neurodivergent that need advocacy and we're people pleasers, we're like, oh my gosh, I don't want to set any, [00:04:00] any issues.

[00:04:00] I don't wanna, have my kid get in trouble. And so what ends up happening is the child loses out on what rights they have privileges to, or the parents themselves. One of the things I always say is, knowledge is power. Know your rights. And so with your expertise, before we even begin, I want my audience to know.

[00:04:22] This impressive background and I'd love our listeners to hear directly, and you mentioned it before we started, so if you could just in brief tell us a little bit about your journey on what drew you into counseling, specifically serving neurodivergent and the special populations. 

[00:04:40] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: interesting path.

[00:04:41] as I mentioned to you, I've mentioned to you before this, this was not what I had envisioned, I envisioned myself being in a pediatrician's office, being either the pediatrician, myself and or a nurse practitioner working with children. I went to a magnet school, where, I've been wanting to do this [00:05:00] medicine since I was a teeny tiny

[00:05:02] Anita Sandoval LPC: and so, I went to a medical medically geared. charter school and, as life would have it, down the line. it just didn't quite work out that way. All this is so personal because I mean, I always believe that our jobs, it, it has to hit close to home in order for us to do something and that's okay. there's a reason for everything. And I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me having three girls and I'm like, oh my God, I don't want them to suffer the way I suffer.

[00:05:34] I am a huge people pleaser. And I saw the effects 'cause my mom was so codependent a people pleaser. Mm-hmm. I love, I love what you're sharing. 

[00:05:42] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: I mentioned as life would have it, Different paths, different opportunities. and eventually, I said, no, I need to do more.

[00:05:50] I was in, in a field where I didn't see myself growing. I, I wasn't passionate and I wasn't incorporating what I felt passionate about. And so, I, [00:06:00] life just put the right people in my path. and I was able to, when, once I went back to school, after, a hiatus there, focusing on other people's priorities, not my own, ah, I love how you said 

[00:06:13] Anita Sandoval LPC: that.

[00:06:14] People pleasing. 

[00:06:15] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: Yeah. even to the point where I was gonna change my career path, I said, no, because they really need this. And, and then I said, Screw this. Yes, yes. I love how you said that. And so, I, I went back to school, met with some people, To this day, I have a mentor who's now, a colleague in one of the many things I'm involved in.

[00:06:36] I, I got my master's in Rehabalitation, counseling, and all, and with the concentration and deafness and hard of hearing. And so very passionate, prior to this, just right before that, several years before that, my, my sister who was like, unexpected, it was unexpected. My parents didn't think they could have any more children.

[00:06:58] and so she was [00:07:00] born and she has down syndrome. She, she's now very much her independent adult. and we just keep on advocating. And then, I was somewhere along the way, my mentor, a professor at the time of mine, he said, Hey, there's an opening on this state agency, on this agency, would anybody here be interested?

[00:07:22] And he looks at me. I was very much pregnant with my first child. And I, and he's like, no, rule number one, don't freak out. That's his rule. Like, rule number one, don't forget. and I said, well, I just know what the commitments are, the, what is it that's required? And he said, here, call this person at the state.

[00:07:37] She'll give you a little bit more information. And I said, Hey, So-and-so, referred me. but I know that sometimes he doesn't say everything. What is the time commitment? I'm gonna be a brand new mom. I wanna know what this is about. she said, well, this is a commitment.

[00:07:51] And that's how I started my journey. And I applied, at the time it was, Governor Perry who appointed me to the Texas Council for Developmental Disabilities. [00:08:00] I was with Baby and Tote with my first, child, to my first meeting. and after about three years is when I was asked to chair the project development committee.

[00:08:09] wow. And I was there for 10 years until I turned out. And so that was, I believe May of 24 is when my term ended. and I, stayed true to, to everything that I learned there. the individuals that I, served with, my, my colleagues there, the individuals that I met, but also all the information that I got to learn.

[00:08:29] Yeah. 

[00:08:30] I continue to just provide that to others, they're still a resource for me. 

[00:08:35] Yeah. 

[00:08:35] and so it's, it's been a beautiful journey, I don't know about you and sureley maybe you might agree. I learn from every individual that comes, that I come to meet, even if it's just a brief meeting, a brief, hello, I learn from them and, and so.

[00:08:52] that's, that's been the cliff note version. If, if anything, what my journey has been and what has gotten me here, 

[00:08:58] Anita Sandoval LPC: I love everything you [00:09:00] said because here in the Rio Grande Valley, the necessity for advocacy, especially for inclusion and neurodivergent and special populations, is so much needed.

[00:09:09] Because I've even heard, people going, oh,

[00:09:17] and which exasperates the situation even more because we need to normalize that this isn't necessarily, this isn't a bad thing, it's just how I to say it. It's, think of it as a language. Somebody comes in, speaking Spanish, they go to the school and then what do they say? They're oh no, hold on.

[00:09:39] what do they say? And they're oh my goodness. They speak Spanish, they must not know. And what happens, they will put 'em as grade below. And yet they're very, very smart and they do know how to process is just the language barrier. And because they didn't want to know that. And now years later they're oh yeah, what?

[00:09:57] Let's do the, the [00:10:00] transition and let's do a class for Spanish and still teach the material. And then we include them after several years into the English. And, and that is something that I would love to see with the special population, which they call mainstreaming, but they don't really put it.

[00:10:14] Emphasis on that. And they just think, oh, just ADHD or this, it's no, get to know the culture. Get to know the language of the special population. And if they were to just do that, and this is where advocacy comes in, when we advocate, we're telling them, Hey, this is the language that needs to be spoken to, to really have a cohesive community.

[00:10:34] Inclusion, as you have mentioned. yeah. Let's talk about advocacy when it comes to that word. why do you feel that advocacy is such a vital piece for both parents and for young adults? 

[00:10:48] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: In short, nothing will change if we don't advocate.

[00:10:53] 

[00:10:53] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: the status quo. nothing will change unless somebody speaks up, unless and you mentioned [00:11:00] earlier, I, I agree. We have to educate. and I, I think that advocacy and education are synonymous. I don't know that, there's different approaches to advocacy, don't get me wrong.

[00:11:12] and we, we see it on a daily basis. for me it's education. Educate yourself fully and as much as possible. Of course. that you can educate others. 

[00:11:24] build bridges wherever possible. that's how inclusion will happen. 

[00:11:31] Anita Sandoval LPC: Advocacy, if we were to define that for community, because when I grew up I used to always think I'm so difficult.

[00:11:39] they would call me arrogant and it didn't dawn on me until later. I'm like, wait a second. Am I an advocate? Is this what this is? And I had all these years of shame and guilt thinking as a female, I should be a people pleasing. I should be this. And now I have to, and it still bogs me. [00:12:00] Like my mind, whenever I do advocate and later it's like, what if they hate me?

[00:12:04] What if this, what if that? But it's less now because it's society's programming. how can, what would you tell these parents or just the community? How can we differentiate when we're advocating and when we're, we're really just, you know, getting into our emotion fields and just really causing a conflict that is not healthy.

[00:12:25] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: are things fair? Are they, morally appropriate? and is what we're advocating for, just self-serving. Or is it gonna be something that will be, if you will, a change of barriers or breaking certain barriers, building those bridges. if I want, I mean, I can give you examples, but, is this ultimately gonna be self-serving or if this change, if you tweak something for right now, it'll serve my, [00:13:00] my child or whomever I'm advocating for.

[00:13:02] Or with, but think about all the others that would benefit from it. 

[00:13:06] So it's not just for this one person. And, I think serving, on the council for as long as I did, that was my one thing I got in there. My ticket in was my sister being a sibling of someone with a disability.

[00:13:20] Yeah. 

[00:13:21] But every decision that we, that I made and I contributed to the decision making was not because of her or for her. It was for in, in that, in that, council, it was for Texans. Anybody that resides in Texas will benefit from the decisions that we make. 

[00:13:37] Right. when we're advocating, 

[00:13:39] Is it just for this one student or it just, not just for this student right now, today, but for others, yeah. Once my child has long gone, graduated, you know, made a life of themselves for themselves. Wow. , and so, you know, I, I hold [00:14:00] advocacy in, in high regard and it's almost like I protected, and how I do.

[00:14:05] So I, I am very protective of that primarily. And, and don't get me wrong, , I can get very extremely passionate and, and very emotional when it comes to advocacy, but, you know, I, I keep it contained, emotions contained. primarily because I don't want people to close the door on me. I want people to say and, and e essentially welcome me back and say, or use me as a resource.

[00:14:31] so you mentioned this last time. Do you mind talking to me more about it? Let's meet up. You know, it's like, yeah, sure. Absolutely. Yeah. as I may have shared with you before, I mentioned it to many, many people. You know, I have so much information up in here, you know, I don't want it to go, you know, to the grave with me.

[00:14:48] I have so much to share. So much I've learned that has benefited my life, clients and, and family members and friends. , why not help others? 

[00:14:57] Anita Sandoval LPC: I love how you said that, like, even though it hits home and [00:15:00] it's an emotional level, I want you to think of the end in mind. how would this not only benefit her, but others in that same position?

[00:15:08] I know I recently went to a 5 0 4 'cause of my daughter who has ADHD and one of the common misconceptions that people have, it's like, oh, she, she gets along really well. She socializes and I'm thinking ADHD has nothing to do with socializing. It's an executive functioning, disinhibition.

[00:15:25] Mm-hmm. And so what I ended up doing is, gathering the data of her evaluation and getting her strengths, her weaknesses, getting the, rights that, that she has when it comes to a classroom setting and using evidence-based data. There's a book called Smart but Scattered by Peggy Dawson. They utilize it in different schools using those strategies.

[00:15:48] And then I based it there, made a document to share with the staff there and went over and they were like, oh, what is this? Well, this is a little bit of my [00:16:00] daughter. Because it's an umbrella and everybody's different. These symptoms are different. So we don't wanna peg any diagnoses as everybody's like this.

[00:16:10] 'cause we wanna also get to know the individual. And I discussed what it is, what it is, not what they see. And, and the first thing I did was, where's my daughter? Well, she's not here. Oh, no, no, that's okay. She's in middle school. She can surely talk, oh, what if, what if the teachers, , they have things to say.

[00:16:30] I don't think she would appreciate if people were talking behind her back. So I think she would love to hear what they have to say in front of her. And so she needs to be here. She needs to learn how to advocate for herself and see me advocating for her and then her as well. And so they bring her in and lo and behold, I mean, everything was great.

[00:16:49] And she discussed how it feels. Anything she notices, not notices, but the teachers also what they notice, not notice, but also I was there, do you remember this? This is something of [00:17:00] how ADHD works. So getting to know the diagnosis, whether it's autism, you know, whether it's a disability of a visual impairment or hearing impairment or anything for that matter.

[00:17:10] Get to know that, but then let them know. And I, I loved it because at the end of it, I remember one of the administrators going, oh my gosh, thank you. You know? And I'm like, you're welcome. I, and, and I was like, I hope they don't think I was being hard or anything, and see how that comes in. And I'm like, no, I'm advocating.

[00:17:28] And I even told my daughter, how did that feel? She was like, that was so good. And I'm like, good. Because when you go to college. You're gonna have to learn how to do this for yourself. I've been doing this for a while, so it's easy for me. And even then I find it like my voice was shaky and I was like, don't cry.

[00:17:45] 'cause my overwhelm of like, oh my gosh. For parents who are just starting this journey that have never really advocated, they may feel overwhelmed. What's like the very first step aside? Like, let's say they're [00:18:00] learning, where to go to, or where can they go to, to begin advocating for their child?

[00:18:07] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: I'll, I'll just side note here. one of the things that I remind any parent that I work with, I remind them they could see all the little papers on my wall. They, everything that you just mentioned at the start of this, All those things. I tell 'em, I'm not the expert on your child.

[00:18:24] you are. 

[00:18:25] So let's just start with that. 

[00:18:26] I want to know, I want them to know, coming from the person that has little papers and the, the letters behind the name, I want them to know that I'm validating their role as a parent and uplifting and empowering that.

[00:18:41] because oftentimes, and you mentioned, attending meetings, I've attended many, as a support person, an advocate, in those meetings, they look at me and I'm like, focus on them. I'm just taking notes here, I'm just a notetaker. because of course we've already debriefed and done all sorts of things by before the meeting.

[00:18:59] Just as much [00:19:00] as they do before. But, what is one thing that they need to know is that they're the parent. 

[00:19:07] And nobody, nobody, I don't care who that person is, nobody will care more for your child 

[00:19:13] being able to, if something doesn't sit right, if you are, devoted parent, you get that gut feeling like something's not right.

[00:19:25] Or something, it just doesn't sit right either with the way my child's behaving, or the way they're feeling, if or what they're telling me just does not sit right with me and reroute and try to get other answers or clarification or just a second opinion, and this is not to say, I'm gonna, and honestly I don't, I tell parents, I may tell you something you don't wanna hear.

[00:19:51] Very likely I am. Right. Because part of the work that we have to do as parents to advocate, we have to [00:20:00] be honest with ourselves. 

[00:20:01] Yeah. 

[00:20:02] And honest regarding the diagnoses and prognosis, of whatever condition it may be. And that's hard. I know. I've been in meetings, I've accompanied my family, like I mentioned my sister, and it's hard, it's hard hearing.

[00:20:16] Oh. you have a 15-year-old, but their IQ is that of let's say, a 9-year-old. That's hard. Yeah. Right. Yeah. that being said, or mentioning, these numbers, or age equivalents, scores or whatnot, I say, they're just numbers. They give us somewhat of a baseline. But I work with people.

[00:20:37] I don't work with numbers. 

[00:20:39] Yeah. 

[00:20:40] But it helps me better understand, I don't need them 'cause I work with the child and I get to know them. 

[00:20:45] Yeah. 

[00:20:45] first, but it also helps to just have this, and if it's not there and, this is for anything if it's not in writing 

[00:20:54] Yeah.

[00:20:54] it did not happen. It will not happen. 

[00:20:57] Yeah. 

[00:20:58] So that's [00:21:00] where, if you will, labels, diagnoses, services, supports. If they're not in black and white, they did not happen. They will not happen. 

[00:21:09] Wow. 

[00:21:09] So make sure that what if it's working, you make sure that you put it in black and white. 

[00:21:13] Anita Sandoval LPC: Oh, I love how you said that.

[00:21:15] You know, when you're advocating for your child, get to know your child first. And that way, and I know this, they will not say, oh, okay, let's see your child this. No, they're just going by a paper of like a checklist. They really do not know your child. So you advocating, saying, Hey, look at my child. This is them because they're humans too.

[00:21:39] And they have needs as well. And so that is amazing. And a first step is get to know your child, get to know your rights. And what advice do you give parents who struggle with people pleasing, wanting to be nice, not make waves when it comes to IEP or ARD [00:22:00] meetings or 5 0 4 meetings. 

[00:22:02] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: Those that are struggling that if, if they know they, something is off. But they tend to be people pleasers and don't wanna be difficult or that Karen or they don't wanna make waves and they wanna just be nice. what do you tell them? 

[00:22:16] So I kind of go back to what I mentioned a little bit ago.

[00:22:19] So let's just start at the end. Where do you foresee your child being when they turn 18. 

[00:22:25] Or when they age out of the academic system, depending on what their diagnoses are. And how do you think we're gonna get there at this rate? With you not speaking up, with you, not advocating and standing up.

[00:22:35] How are you gonna get there? Because the system's not set up to do that for you or for your child, for that matter. 

[00:22:42] Unless somebody sets, the ball in motion. So, one of the things that, you know, you went, you mentioned people pleasing. 

[00:22:51] Yeah. 

[00:22:52] There's sometimes like, no, I don't want them to not like me or, you know, oh, you know, they're very nice to me [00:23:00] all the time and I don't want them to look at me differently.

[00:23:02] Yes, 

[00:23:03] yes. And I, okay. 

[00:23:04] All right. So it, that's the power of advocacy. They won't. Look at you less than quite the contrary, right? You mentioned, get to know your child because on paper we will be one person and we might fit the bill for whatever the position or whatever it is, but you meet the person and they are just not the right fit.

[00:23:28] I 

[00:23:28] like how you said 

[00:23:29] that. 

[00:23:29] , and we see this on a daily basis, you know, there's wonderful, wonderful doctors. They know so much, but their people skills are like just not there. 

[00:23:37] Yeah. 

[00:23:37] And they're, it's like, ugh. You know? And it's unfortunate, right? Because we want to be validated, we wanna be heard, as parents, you know, as patients, whatever it may be.

[00:23:46] Yeah. So, you know, when, when I am speaking to parents who feel that way,

[00:23:54] let's just say that. I also remind them that. [00:24:00] One, I validate. I validate I wasn't always a strong advocate. I have my moments and I do cry, you know, and I feel defeated and I get like imposter syndrome, like, oh, am I good enough? Like, am, am, did, did I do a good enough job? You know, maybe I, I've been in situations before where, you know, heck, when my mom was pregnant with my sister, we didn't, well, she knew she was pregnant, she thought.

[00:24:26] And so, , I went with mom, usually my dad would go, but it just, well, we don't know what's gonna happen. You just, anyway, so I had to stand up as a 20-year-old in front of this doctor who was near retirement. And because he was suggesting terminating, , the pregnancy, and mind you, as a family, we had already talked about it.

[00:24:51] I was 20 freaking years old. Yeah. , I could have been the parent, you know. So we talked about it as a family. And said, okay, termination's not an option. [00:25:00] And so I was shaking. I don't know how I kept it together because I was shaking. My hands were clammy, like the anxiety, like everything. And I said, , I don't think you heard her.

[00:25:13] Yeah. 

[00:25:13] And I was shaking. I still remember the feeling. Oh, wow. I said that was, that's not an option for our family. Yeah. And so he brought it up again, from what I understand and know he brought it up again when I was not there. And then it was my parents, both of 'em, and stuck to it like, this is not an option.

[00:25:35] But you know, we have to remember that for those of us who, , either are self advocates or are supporting individuals who, with advocacy efforts, we have to remember that. Especially when it hits home. 

[00:25:52] Yeah. That 

[00:25:52] we. We oftentimes feel a sense of vulnerability. We're vulnerable because we are [00:26:00] not in the eyes of society.

[00:26:03] We are not the majority. 

[00:26:05] Yeah. 

[00:26:06] Right. Yeah. And so we're underserved, underrepresented, yeah. Misunderstood. Yeah. You know, we're exiled, we're, we're the, you know, the ones in the corner. Yeah, 

[00:26:18] yeah. 

[00:26:19] You know? Yeah. When we advocate, we validate ourselves. We validate the person, that we're advocating for, and saying, you know what?

[00:26:30] I am worthy. 

[00:26:31] Yeah. 

[00:26:32] Or they are worthy. 

[00:26:34] Yeah. 

[00:26:34] Just like their peers. 

[00:26:36] Yeah. Yes. Just like my, yes. I love how you said that. 

[00:26:40] , when as parents we're advocating, you know, the way that we approach it 

[00:26:45] mm-hmm. You know, 

[00:26:45] we have to be assertive. We cannot be passive, you know, passive individuals or those who tend to communicate passively, the people pleasers, you know, people step all over them.

[00:26:56] They're doormats. Yeah. Okay. Or known as doormats or, [00:27:00] and treat it like such. 

[00:27:01] Yeah. You 

[00:27:01] know, and when it comes to advocacy and breaking barriers, making waves and, and changes. We need to be assertive. We need to know the information so that it's not just, and I think I may have mentioned this before, we don't just go in there with our nails nice and sharp and ready to attack.

[00:27:25] Okay. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You know, we, we advocate. We educate. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Because this is gonna have people run away. One of the things that I remind people too, do you wanna be feared or do you wanna be respected because it's not the same thing. Okay. If I fear you, I'm not gonna go to you to open up.

[00:27:47] If I respect you, I'm gonna go to you. 

[00:27:50] Right? Yeah. and so we want to be the person that is respected, the advocate that is respected, the parent, that's respected the individual, right. That's respected, [00:28:00] not feared or avoided, you know, because of our past behaviors or, or you know, how we stand up for ourselves.

[00:28:07] Don't get me wrong again, sometimes it can get very emotional, very charged. Yeah. But we have to, you know, funnel that assertive part in us and say, okay, and if we need to walk away and stop a meeting, we do. You know what, why don't we take a break? , let's just table everything. We're not gonna sign anything.

[00:28:29] Let's just table everything for today. And maybe we can pick up next week. I 

[00:28:34] Anita Sandoval LPC: love that. Do parents have a right to do that? 

[00:28:38] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: Yes. Those meetings are, are, for parents to direct, not anybody else. You know, it again, it we're conditioned to think that we are invited, cordially invited to these meetings.

[00:28:53] No, no, no. The ones that are cordially invited is everybody else. 

[00:28:56] There you 

[00:28:57] Anita Sandoval LPC: go. 

[00:28:57] Gladys Cortez LPC-S: Right there, there are required individuals that have to be [00:29:00] there, but the one, the individuals that are, that are representing each position that must be at those meetings are cordially invited. If we don't want them there or don't need them there for whatever the reason, then they can be excused.

[00:29:14] You can excuse them, you know, as a parent, you know, I know I've done that. And, and sometimes they're oh, okay. Like, are you sure? Yeah. I mean, we're done reviewing. The assessment you did. Were on this other task, and you're welcome. Like, unless you wanna stay, you're more than welcome to stay.

[00:29:28] You know? But you're, you know, if you wanna invite your whole entire church choir, you're more than welcome. You know, you wanna invite the basketball team again? You go right ahead. It is your right as a parent, it is the right of the student. 

[00:29:42] Anita Sandoval LPC: Oh, I love how you said that. and so parents knowing your rights, educating yourself, seeing it as the diagnoses of helping, knowing your child, helping them, but not, knowing the morality of it, of how it's gonna help others with that same [00:30:00] condition.

[00:30:00] And then, so that way you don't take it so personal, you can take a time off. If it gets too overwhelming. So this is the children growing, right? We're doing it for them. And now when the child starts growing into their teens and then going into young adults, the, the issue now. Comes that they're gonna go to college, and people don't even know some of them that these 5 0 4 strategies, they can have these, accommodations also in college and at work.

[00:30:33] Nancy: In Part 2, we explore how advocacy follows our children into their teens, college, and adulthood — and why learning to speak up now matters later.

[00:30:42]